Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
