Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
