Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
