Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Randomize
