Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
