I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
