She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
