There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
