you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
