Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
