I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
