Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i wish my penis had a tongue
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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