you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
