i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
