A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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