I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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