Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
