Dual....:-)
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
