just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
