You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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