so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
