The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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