Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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