I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
i think my cat just said my name.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
