I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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