I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
