you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
