Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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