4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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