see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
