Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
So vagazzling was a success
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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