Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
