Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
she peed on how many people?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
