the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
he was CRYING into my vagina
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize