Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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