No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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