dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
