i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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