Moan for me like Helen Keller
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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