I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
