I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Girls should come with a carfax report
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
