Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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