halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
