I smell stomach acid.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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