id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
