i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I intend to get homeless drunk
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
