I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
