i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
