Umm I'm too high to move.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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