I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
i need to put some appletini on your dick
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
