wanna go halves on a baby?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
