im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
My penis needs a shock collar
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
