the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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