i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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